Am I crazy ?

Yes I do. Crazy about things, human that I won't ever get in my real life. I might end up getting excellent results but do you think I'll be happy with it ? Yes, human will never feel enough. Yes I don't. I don't want to be only a girl with perfect score. I want to be that lively girl. The next door girl.

It should be every time I reached my tenth week of academic weeks, I would feel insecure bout my results. However this time, everything has changed. Didn't change for better,  but for the worst. Am I bad, selfish for only thinking about relationship all the time? Am I?

I feel bad to myself for not able to control my own feeling, emotions and physical. I feel bad. Sometimes I feel that I can get better guy in future but then sometimes I will feel hopeless cause I feel that he is the best for me. There's time I feel that maybe I'm not pretty enough for him to adore, to love me compared to his girl friends. Maybe it's true cause I'm really fucking ugly compared to him.

I'm nobody. Never will be somebody.

Cause intelligent and kindness wouldn't be enough. They need physical appearance.