Hi, I am 28th years old Aneesa.
~Gratitude~
As a person, I love to talk a lot, however the pent up feeling in my heart does not all out to my dearest. There are still a lot of thoughts in the back of my mind, constantly reminds me on daily basis. And thats makes me feel burden on it.
In my early 20s, I hated myself, and I was always disappointed in myself.
I was not really satisfied with myself. Although people might think that I am well equipped and fortunate, which was very true.
People often say that time heals all the wounds. But I have seen that time was not always on our side. I always feels that if I lose something, I will lose it forever.
However, to reflect on, if I lose semething, I actually gain something else. But if I gain something, I also lose something. I cannot be win both, right, realistically.
So, if I give up something, inshaAllah, Allah will hand me something else. It has been that way without fail.
In the future, I will continue to give up some things to enjoy the happiness that comes with it.
~Emotion~
I am a person whom still cannot control my emotion. I always heard advice that "You feel happy when you're happy, you cry when you are sad, you feel strengthless when you are hungry, you feel powerless when you are sick"
This should be natural stuff, human right?
I learn to be 'alright, it is okay if you are not happy for a day. Why should i be so obsessed about happiness. It is okay for not being okay'
When my grandma passed away, I did not cry that much, same goes with both of my aunties. I was too afraid, anxious of future, which surpressed my sadness.
Nearing the end of the year, I am easily cried. When I see an employees cries, I feel so easy for tear to fall. Even while driving, tears were everywhere. I guess my sadness has been pent up quite long.
Let it down in the next 2 days.
2024 Resolutions
1. Feel content
For upcoming 2024, I aim to make myself feel content, even though that's the toughest pat of all because I have to constantly look inside myself for the answers. And because I have to face the moments I loved and the moments I hated.
After all, everything is still pointless no matter how much it is been acknowledged by others because I myself am not satisfied with it.
If I am able to make it through such period, and still feel satisfied at the end, then I think nothing's better than that.
2. Open my mind before my mouth
I am to always think critically before expressing my thoughts. I knew that I may influence others, especially being in a aspiring young leaders. I should allow my mind to have consideration and understanding of different perspectives.
By doing so, I can avoid making hasty assumptions, judgements, biases and misunderstanding that may arise from my speaking without first engaging in deep reflction.
I will be writing the resolution in my next post.
Aneesa, 5.22 P.M. @ Orna Golf Melaka.
