Am I crazy ?

Yes I do. Crazy about things, human that I won't ever get in my real life. I might end up getting excellent results but do you think I'll be happy with it ? Yes, human will never feel enough. Yes I don't. I don't want to be only a girl with perfect score. I want to be that lively girl. The next door girl.

It should be every time I reached my tenth week of academic weeks, I would feel insecure bout my results. However this time, everything has changed. Didn't change for better,  but for the worst. Am I bad, selfish for only thinking about relationship all the time? Am I?

I feel bad to myself for not able to control my own feeling, emotions and physical. I feel bad. Sometimes I feel that I can get better guy in future but then sometimes I will feel hopeless cause I feel that he is the best for me. There's time I feel that maybe I'm not pretty enough for him to adore, to love me compared to his girl friends. Maybe it's true cause I'm really fucking ugly compared to him.

I'm nobody. Never will be somebody.

Cause intelligent and kindness wouldn't be enough. They need physical appearance.

Smile
What ever I am doing right now
Take a deep breath, than another
I am so adorable
Has anyone told me that lately?
and there's something important
I'm so strong
Sometimes I feel that I'm not
maybe even most of the time
but please don't forget
I'm stronger than I know
Every day I wake up. no matter what. no matter what I've gone through
I wake up in morning, appreciate that after all these years, days, I've still have hope
Maybe it's still buried inside me
Maybe it seems ridiculous
but I'm gonna keep going
and that makes me incredible
but smile today, breathe
Sometimes things are too much
but you gonna say, it's okay Aneesa
there will be time, you gonna break down or either crying
praying to fall asleep and never wake up again
that doesn't make you weak
it makes you human
After you have been through
you can still feel
never underestimate it
because you know what that's mean?
There's hope
It means I'm gonna feel happiness, love, prides and joy
means I'm alive but more than that. I'm still living
stay strong
stay lively
never stop believing, feeling
but sometimes just smile and breathe.

Thank you for all the supports my dear family, friends and sweetheart. Cause you guys are valuable than other creatures in the world